Oh
by ReluctantOwl
Summary: Lukas is a writer who has a hard time finding inspiration: he just seems to find boredom in practically everything. One day, he comes across an animator called Mathias, and can this guy make him go back to being a bestselling author filled wiht ideas? /I guess this is just as much friendship as it's romance, but you can only choose two genres so ye :) Warning: death, car crash
1. Chapter 1

A/N: hello and welcome to my attempt at writing :) I just want to say that I'm both new to writing AND writing in English. Since English isn't my first language, you should probably be prepared for some errors and simple language… Heh… anyways.. I'm new to it and stuff so critique is VERY MUCH apprecitated. It doesn't matter if you think this whole chapter is just a bunch of shit: just tell me WHY you think that, I won't be offended :) ((just don't be plain rude, nobody learns anything from that and you will just be ignored. So yeah, waste of time ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ )) another thing I just want to mention is that I have a hard time figuring out how to make normal line breaks on here, so I apologize for the wierd line breaks meh : I hope you find this at least a little interesting and I wish you a nice read :) (you can totally say that m'kay? ;)

* * *

Boredom.

(Prologue-ish thing)

Lukas Bondevik was a writer. A very bored writer.

He had placed himself in front of his laptop once again. No words on his screen. Once again. Do not get it wrong. Lukas was a rather famous writer, having had several of his so called fantasy books on various best seller lists.

Five books. He had published fivebooks. It's to be said that four of them was from the same series, his latest published work being the final book of the tetralogy when he was 25. How long had it been again?

Oh yeah. Seven years.

He had not gotten any further with his crumbling – or rather, crumbled – career for seven whole years. And here he was. Bored. When you picture a fantasy writer, you usually see a person with this great, creative, imagination that never seems to have any boundaries. That was certainly _not_ Lukas. Or, actually that _was_ Lukas. Back in his early twenties.

Now he was here, admiring the newly born, fresh, green leaves of the beech tree outside of his apartment window, but even admiring things seemed to have gotten boring. Were you even admiring something if you found it boring? Oh Well, who cares.

He decided to give up on trying to write anything for the day, thinking of what to do next. The very classic looking clock on his wall said three in the evening, and lunch had yet to be eaten. Perhaps Tino would not mind grabbing a bagel with him at the local shop. Of course he would not. Tino's interest in getting Lukas to actually do something was a bit too big, for Lukas' taste at least.

* * *

Nevertheless, here he stood, his slight tallness making it easy to spot his friend. And there Tino stood, his happy 170 cm. shining through the small crowd of the shop. Tino and Lukas had known each other for what must have been around 14 years now, and for some reason Tino still bothered to hang out with Lukas. Okay, perhaps the young writer over exaggerated his 'depression with life' just a little bit, but seriously. Unlike Lukas, Tino always seemed to have an endless list of plans and friends he needed to see, not to talk about the fact that he had a two-year-old son. Would the little Finnish man known as Tino Vainamoinen ever just stay at home and do nothing for an entire day? Probably not.

The shop was relatively small, the white, tiled walls and the slight coolness making you feel a bit like you just walked into a giant refrigerator. How it still managed to be so cozy was beyond Lukas.

"Hey Lukas, how's it going?" the question was used more like a greeting, so the blond Finnish man continued without waiting for an answer. He probably knew the answer either way. _I feel like someone took all the colors and replaced it with the same, boring grey._

"'I'm glad you called. You see, I would have contacted you anyways since I was wondering if you'd like to come to this lesser party Bernadette's company is hosting. There's probably gonna come some interesting new people for you to meet! It's this Saturday."

Bernadette was Tinos wife: a Swedish woman, who very much lived up to the stereotype when it came to looks. Blonde, blue eyed, and actually quite the bit taller than Tino, so it had looked rather funny when he carried her bridal style, at their small wedding one year ago. Thinking of that day made the corners of Lukas' mouth go upwards. Only a little bit though.

But who was he to talk about stereotypes anyways, standing here being blonde, blue eyed and Norwegian himself. His hair and eyes held onto some different shades than his Swedish friend's though.

And for the: "There's probably gonna come some interesting new people for you to meet" –part, this was just another attempt of trying to get Lukas to at least try to find "the one". Lukas didn't believe in the so called "one" if he had to be honest. If there was only one person in this world, you were supposed to be with, then what were the odds you would ever meet them?

''I'll think about it. Give an answer later'', said the writer, as they proceeded to stand in line. His friend seemed to be satisfied with the answer and didn't push the matter any further.

* * *

A bagel, coffee and some nice small talk later, Lukas found himself back at his apartment, not knowing what to do next. He had not talked to his kid brother for a while. Said younger brother lived in another city nearby, and had recently found his answer to ''the one''. Well, Lukas felt just a little bit neglected. He liked to tell himself that he was perfectly fine on his own, being a naturally quiet and calm person, and he did indeed like alone time; just not this much. Perhaps it would be less boring if he went out more. Oh well, he always had tomorrow.

 _16:34 – Hello Emil. Is my dearest brother doing well lately?  
-_

 _16:40 – Hello older relative. Yes I am indeed doing quite well lately. Leon and I are looking for a place for both of us these days, so yeah. If you know anywhere available_ _please do tell._

 _16:41 – Nice to know that you're doing well. Unfortunately no, I don't know any available places, but I'll keep an eye out for you. You and Leon are getting serious huh?  
-_

 _16:42 – We are. Thanks for keeping an eye out for us, gotta go now. See you brother dear.  
-_

Lukas sighed, looking down at the messages. He used to tease his brother more and use at least a little smileys. That had become rarer for the past years. It was not like he was kidding the slightest, when he called Emil his 'dearest brother' though. Emil was very dear to him. Very.

He then proceeded to spent quite a while, just browsing the internet. He caught himself just staring at some random webpage at one point, completely spaced out. _Well this isn't sad at all.  
-_

A sudden buzzing sound startled him a bit. His phone. At this point it could only be Bernadette, Tino, Emil, one of his parents, some consumer survey or Vlad. He did have more personal connections than that, but, none of them had been maintained for the past few years.

His mother called. She greeted him in Norwegian. It was nice to hear his native language again, having to talk English all the time these days. They talked for a little while, and he found out that what she wanted, was the basic call about how you are doing and stuff. What he liked about his mother was, that he knew she didn't do it because she had to as his parent; she was a really kind and caring woman. He missed being in her care. Was it possible to get those years back? No. It was not.

She mentioned Tino somewhere along the small talk, and, oh yeah that's right, he had to give an answer to that party invitation. The call lasted for about 15 minutes.

After hanging up, Lukas thought about his smaller friend's invitation, and he guessed it wouldn't hurt to go. It was hosted this Saturday as far as he could recall. Not like it mattered though. He did not have any plans.

* * *

-  
That Saturday he was met by a smiling Tino, in front of a big modern, square formed building, with more large windows than necessary. ''I'm so glad you decided to come!'', greeted his Finnish friend. Said friend wore a light, plain button up that matched his own navy one, and a pair of dark jeans.

Inside the building he was met by a lot of different people, all wearing outfits somewhere in between formal and casual. Most of them looked very business minded. Bernadette came over to him and they started talking. The two of them got along well, both of them being to the calm and quiet side. Though a difference between the twos demeanor was that, where Lukas was usually seen as someone cool and smooth, Bernadette could often give a somewhat awkward impression, since she was almost taller than Lukas and her 'resting face' looked somewhat like she was frowning. She was a really nice and gentle person nonetheless.

The party went pretty casual, the Norwegian doing nothing whatsoever to interact with any new people. That was until a relatively short woman with long brown hair approached him. Apparently her name was Elizabeta. She was a sweet woman about his age, she was one of Bernadette's coworkers, she had moved to the U.K only one month ago, and she was very easy to talk to. That was what Lukas learned by the surprisingly long conversation he had with her, and the reason for the use of 'surprisingly' was simply that Lukas wasn't very talkative these days.

By the end of the day Lukas found himself accepting the friend request, send to him by a sudden Elizabeta Héderváry on Facebook. Now? Well, now it would be time for some sleep, to then wake up for tomorrow's usual morning. Oh life.

* * *

-  
Tweeting birds? _Sunlight, why do you always have to ruin my dreams._

Sunday had begun.  
-

The uninspired writer got out of bed, and then proceeded to make himself some coffee. He felt like some, plain, black liquid would do for the day. Only fifteen minutes later he found himself on his couch with a piece of toast, black coffee and laptop in front of him. He started off just browsing a bit, and he could already feel how this day was going to be like all the others.

That was until he found that he was wrong.  
-

He was already in the middle of texting his brother, so his phone didn't even get to say a sound before he had answered it. The thing was just; it was not Tino, Bernadette, Vlad, one of his parents, his brother or some consumer survey who called. It was someone from a film company.

Twenty minutes later, Lukas found himself with the information that someone wanted to make one of his books an animated movie. All he needed to do was sign some things, and have his characters drawn.

The next days passed fast. He met some of the people from the film team, and he was told that he would be given an animator to picture his characters.  
-

* * *

-  
One week later said animator arrived at his doormat.

''Hi. It's nice to meet you! I'm Mathias.''  
-

* * *

So yup. That was the Prologue/ first chapter. I would really like to know if you think I should make future chapters ((if you even think I should make more chapters)) longer, shorter or if this is a fine length. I kinda tried to keep it somewhere in the middle of long and short as much as possible :) thank you for reading! :^)

ALSO, I have next no knowledge about the whole process of turning a book into an animated film, so the thing with Lukas getting an animator/illustrator sent was because that would fit the story well. I did try to look the process up, but found nothing whatsoever:/ if you know anything about it, feel very free to tell and I can change the story if needed. :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hi again~. First of all, thank you for such nice reviews! I'm really glad that you like it! (it motivates me too ofc :)

Once again you will probably find some retarded commas and stuff but at least I tried right? *nervous sweating* When I wrote this I had a feeling that it came out more ''messy'' than the last one, but let's hope it's readable :))))) I tried doing something different with the line breaks on this one too, so I hope this is better :)

Also, I got a (temporary?) cover (yay ;^) and a beta reader (Intellectualpencil on here) :)

Have a nice read ;D

* * *

2\. Some Animator

''Hi. It's nice to meet you! I'm Mathias.''

"Oh… Eh I mean hello. I'm Lukas, it's nice to meet you too". _Oh? Seriously? Well there went that first impression._

Next moment, Lukas found the two of them sitting in his pigeon blue, velour couch, the sun outside shining on them through his clear windows, making the room feel warm. The nice type of warm, not the annoying one that makes clothes cling to sweaty skin.

How exactly they had gotten there so fast, he was not sure about though. So this was an effective guy huh?

''So… How do we do this? Do I just give you an explanation about how I imagine them or…?''

It wasn't like Lukas had tried this before so better just ask right. ''Sure, whatever you like!''.

This guy smiled a lot and he looked overall friendly, from his dirt blond hair that looked rather untamed to his light blue socks. He managed to look pretty stylish nonetheless. The Norwegian could already sense how he was one of those people, whose happiness was like a contagious disease, except happiness wasn't something unwanted.

At least the writer could really need some more of that, although he sometimes thought about happiness being over rated. As if he liked being sad for some reason. _Perhaps I should reconsider whether or not I have those depressing tendencies…Yeah I probably still have them to be honest._

Suddenly Lukas got aware that the other male in front of him had tilted his head to the side, and was looking expectantly at him. He had spaced out again. Great. ''You okay there? You look a bit distant'', the animator gave a little friendly laugh at the end. ''I'm fine thanks. Sorry.''

Lukas and his new acquaintance then decided to get down to business, also known as Lukas started to explain the looks of the first character they were going to go over. Just a girl in her early twenties.

He was instantly amazed when the peers started moving his pencil over the thickly textured paper of the, what looked to be, a rather worn sketchbook. Few lines suddenly formed a beautiful face with ease, the lead layer being a little thicker in places, so that Lukas had no doubt about what direction the lighting came from.

In the middle of all of his amazement, he realized that it would probably be nice to bid his guest something. He quickly asked if the guy before him wanted something, and not long after, he returned with a glass of cold water as requested, and a cup of his favorite, black beverage for himself.

Mathias (that was his name right?) looked up at Lukas with a somewhat… shy expression. ''what do you think...?'', the drawing was then shown.

Lukas liked it. A lot. It was quite an amazing sketch if you asked him. It wasn't exactly like he imagined this sudden character to be, but the differences were small. And oh how he loved this guy's art style.

The answer was said in the calm tone, which was usual in the small apartment.

''I love it. Really. Your art style is very nice! Although there are some small details I'd like to be a little different.''

Aforementioned guy looked overjoyed.

''Seriously? I'm so glad you like it! You see… it's actually not the first time I've sketched her hehe. I'm a big fan okay? I got super happy when they chose me to do this! And I mean, I'm just super happy that you like my sketch of her!''

Aforementioned guy still looked overjoyed.

As little as he'd like to admit it; Lukas was a bit taken back. He was a fan? Of course Lukas had met fans before, plenty, but for some reason he hadn't expected this guy to like his story this much. Part of it was probably because most of the people, who were big fans of his work, usually were teens or adolescents.

He was glad he liked it though. Needless to say, Lukas and Mathias suddenly got along really well.

* * *

If Lukas at first had the thought that this skilled artist was an effective person, he now had it confirmed; they had been at it for five hours and only had five people left to cover. They had just decided to call it a day though, since Mathias had some dinner plans.

 _This day has actually been quite a good one.  
_ A ghostly smirk played on the Norwegians lips that evening. It had been nice to do something out of the ordinary for once.

* * *

Next morning, a new lunch plan with Tino had appeared. It wasn't much of a surprise though, since it was quite a regular thing really.

And so, he found himself waiting for his little friend by an ordinary Starbucks table, around three in the afternoon. Today was just as sunny as yesterday, and the spring warmth still very much waited for him outside of the shop. Soon enough said little friend came in through the front door, gave a small wave and a sweet smile. They had both went for a sweatshirt this day, Lukas noticed.

''Lukas Bondevik. How come I have to hear from one of my frIENDS that your book is being made a movie! WhAt do you have to say in your defense huh? HUH?'', all of this was said in a playful manner of course, but the accused couldn't help but wonder what friend Tino was talking about.

''Well I've been kinda busy I guess… And what friend are you talking about? I didn't know you had a friend who worked for that company.'', if Lukas had been a bit more playful, he could've let the whole 'courtroom'–thing play for a little while longer, but he just answered, calm as always.

''It's this really nice girl Michelle. She works there and told me about it. So who's the lucky one who got to work with you? I know you've had one of their animators sent.'', the shorter of the two said, with a curious sound at the end.

''eh, just this guy called Mathias. Seems nice enough.''

''Mathias… Mathias… wait I recall that name- Oh my Lukas; he's gay!'', Tino proceeded to look at him with a look, that Lukas knew way too well what meant.

''No.''

''Lukas…''

''I'm not going to date him, god damn it Tino.''

''But why nooot. You could always just try~''

Tino was then met by a face palm.

The rest of the lunch was filled with questions about Lukas' past week, some small talk about different everyday things, and somehow, a rather interesting discussion about animals who were able to recognize themselves in mirrors.

When the writer came back home, he once again tried to do what he was supposed to be able to being labeled as, well, a writer. Still, nothing useful was written that day. All the words just looked boring.

* * *

The standard messaging noise of a very well-known smartphone, interrupted Lukas' breakfast the next morning. It was a bit different now though. Now it could be either Tino, Bernadette, one of his parents, Emil, some consumer survey, Vlad… or Mathias. It was the very last. Apparently Mathias had realized that they had yet to determine when he was supposed to arrive, at a sudden cozy apartment's doormat, this time.

They decided that one in the noon would be fine. Lukas didn't really have much to do in the following hour he had to wait, and found himself spacing out.

What was the first thing the animator had thought, when he was led into the apartment on the corner of ''Starbucks street'', as Lukas, Tino and Bernadette called it?

Probably how it carried a scent of ''coffee and library'', as his Finnish friend liked to put it.

The waiting time didn't take long, and before Lukas knew it, the dirt blond man had set foot inside his home again. He didn't look quite as stylish today.

They were quick to get started, and Lukas could once again enjoy watching few lines create people from his mind. He was okay at drawing himself, but nothing more. He could play three instruments, was quite the great dancer and decent at taking artistic pictures, but not draw as nicely. He could write too of course. _Could_ write.

The hours went by fast, and suddenly they were done working.

Mathias didn't leave after that though, and they ended up chatting for an hour or so. It wasn't even like they had decided that, their conversation just kind of started while working and then just continued afterwards.

''So Lukas… should we give these to the rest of the animators tomorrow? – Or I can just deliver them myself of course.'', Mathias said, pointing at the drawings. Lukas agreed to give those particular drawings, and told the man next to him that he wouldn't mind tagging along either. Said man looked happy upon hearing that, and explained that his colleagues probably would be really glad to meet the writer of the story they were working on.

* * *

 _This day has been quite good too._

By the end of the day, Lukas thought about the conversation he had had with Mathias, and the things he had learned about him. The guy was from Denmark, he had liked drawing ever since he could remember, and his favorite sushi restaurant was one called 'Sticks and sushi'. How they had gotten in on the sushi restaurant subject, he was not sure of.

* * *

The Danes car was nice. It was just some little, silver car, not too expensive, and the writer instantly noticed that it still had the scent of a new car, which was a scent he was really fond of.

The person next to him started driving, and soon they were on the road. Lukas looked out of the window, watching all the tall buildings which housed apartments and boutiques. It wasn't quite as sunny as the past days had been, and it seemed like the wind was trying to make up for a lack of presence.

''So how long is it going to take before we arrive?''. He didn't know where their destination was after all.

''Around thirty minutes I'd say''.

The car ride weren't as talkative as yesterday's meeting, but it didn't matter because the silence was not awkward at all; it was quite comfortable.

At some point the Norwegian started studying his fellow Scandinavian's face. It had a kind of ''long'' shape, his nose was rather pointy, just a little offbeat and covered in a great layer of freckles. His eyes had a nice blue color, that reminded Lukas of the beach on a cloudy day, which was not a bad thing; He loved being by a beach on days like those. It always had such a calming effect on him.

He also noticed that Mathias was one of those people whose eyebrows had a darker color than the hair on their heads naturally, and overall his face had rather gentle edges.

Lukas really liked his face, it was quite symmetrical but it wasn't perfect. That's what he liked about it. It looked natural. Real.

* * *

Twenty minutes had almost passed, Lukas continued to look at his surroundings through the car window, and started recognizing the place. A pretty big town, with a lot of large, old looking buildings housing the different shops, apartments and what not, pretty much like the town he lived in.

 _It's been a while huh?_

He instantly felt an empty, yet longing feeling when a sudden graveyard got visible next to the road.

* * *

Soo yeah, that was the second chapter. I hope it wasn't too stagnant.

Anyways. Who is Lukas missing? Will he have an emotional breakdown? Will TINO STILL BE LUKAS FRIEND AFTER A FACE PALMM? :0000000

Ok srry for the last one, I ran out of ideas :^)))

Bye


	3. Chapter 3

3\. Friends.

The meeting with Mathias' colleagues one month earlier had been nice, and it seemed that after that, Lukas life had gotten slightly less boring.

The thing was, that his new animator friend hadn't stopped being a part of his life, when they had finished their work together. It wasn't like they spend all of their time together, but enough so that Lukas would call them more than just an 'acquaintances'. They mostly just did ordinary things like eat lunch together when possible, though Mathias' had once made his author friend go to a theatre play with him, when he had gotten two free tickets.

That had actually been a rather fun night.

As time went by, the two got to know each other more and more, and when autumn came, Lukas started to feel quite attached to the guy. _Oh well…_

* * *

17:04 – _Hey brother, you're hereby invited to Leon and my housewarming._

Ah yes that's right, his little brother and his boyfriend had just bought a new apartment. After the invite had been accepted, Lukas and said little brother continued to chat for a while, until Lukas had to go and pick up Mathias so they could drive to the mall, and find the dirt blond man a new suit for some wedding, he was going to attend.

The Dane didn't live more than a few blocks away, so the drive in Lukas' little black station car didn't take long.

''Hey Luke! Ready to help me spend some of the money I don't have?'' he joked as he placed himself in the front seat.

''Whenever you're ready.''

Money had never really been a problem of Lukas' ever since his books got such great success. He still remembered what it felt like to go from a student living on cup noodles, to a bestselling author who got invited to plenty of conventions. That had been such an amazing time. One of those periods of his life he would love to get back.

 _Stop being so nostalgic, you've already thought about how great life used to be a hundred times before._ This was true, but then again, who wouldn't relive the best moments of their lives?

Soon they arrived at their destination, and had entered the first shop. A square formed room to the small side, with beige colored walls and a thick air, filled with the scent of new clothes.

* * *

''What about this color?''

''Nah, the grey one was better.''

''you sure..? I quite like this one…''

''Then pick that one. If you like it better than the other then take it, it's not like it's me who's going to wear it''

''Why do you always have to sound so indifferent?''

* * *

Mathias was quite indecisive. Lukas was sure they must've looked at a hundred different suits before the freckled man finally picked one. A dark, grey one.

After that, they went to grab something to eat, at this rather fancy café which design, played with some calm brown and black decor.

Because of the fanciness, Lukas and Mathias had an even harder time not laughing, when suddenly a waiter failed the task of brewing coffee in a really funny way. It's not like they didn't feel bad for him but. It just looked really, really funny, and when you're with a friend whom you know well… it's quite hard not to laugh.

Lukas blessed this guy though, because he loved hearing Mathias break out in laughter. It was in moments like these, that Lukas really appreciated having gotten to befriend this guy. He had started laughing himself too of course, and he wondered if his dirt blond fellow felt the same way, especially since the Norwegian wasn't someone who laughed much.

After their noisiness had died down, the two Scandinavians locked eyes for quite a long time. Long time meaning several seconds of course. It was some quite wonderful seconds of you asked Lukas.

Instead of one of them looking down embarrassedly, like it would happen in some high school story, Lukas, being smooth as always, just casually started a conversation again, with a little smirk on the lips. Mathias obviously liked his choice of action, and smirked along himself.

When they paid for their meals, they got a few disapproving looks from the different employees. Understandable.

* * *

 _What am I doing? I can't just walk around flirting with another guy like this. But we weren't flirting. Were we? Fuck Mathias, what are you doing?_

''Matt, dinners ready''

''coming Jan.''

* * *

It was quite the nice apartment Emil and Leon had bought. Right now, it probably helped that the sun was still shining outside, even though the autumn air really had started to mark itself.

The housewarming guests consisted of Bernadette, Tino, five friends of Emil and Leon's that Lukas didn't know much about, and the writer himself. He had tried inviting Mathias to the housewarming too, but he said he was busy.

The apartment consisted of two bedrooms (one which would be a guestroom or a future kids room), a bathroom, a kitchen, and a nice living room, all of these having a relatively small size. Not that it mattered though. Lukas sometimes questioned those rich families with big ass houses, what they needed all that space for. It wasn't like he thought of it in a sour or jealous way: he just simply thought that all that space must have been kind of unnecessary, when he thought of how perfectly fine his family of four had functioned in a regular little house in Norway, with no big garden or anything.

All the walls in his brothers new home, was painted white, the kitchen tapestry having some little indigo colored pattern on top. The floor was done with a very light brown, almost cream, wooden color.

''So… Lukas, how's it going with everything?'', His Swedish friend had approached him. She was wearing a pastel green button up and white pants, in a way Lukas found very stylish. He himself had just gone for a black turtleneck sweater.

Bernadette leaned out the wooden kitchen counter next to Lukas, and looked at him, waiting for an answer.

''Pretty fine I guess. You.''

''I'm fine too, Peter's being a little stubborn these days though, I don't know what's gotten into him. Anyways, how about Mathias? Still seeing a lot of him?''

''well…no. I mean, I used to but, right now it seems he's really busy. Or just avoiding me I don't know.''

Yes, it seemed Mathias had been really busy lately, and Lukas had indeed wondered whether or not he was really just avoiding him.

''Really? From those three times I've met him, he've seemed really fond of you. Really fond.''

Bernadette smirked at that last part.

''You too?'' Lukas looked very unimpressed.

''come on Lukas, I know that Tino thinks basically everyone has a thing, but I really think he's right this time.''

As much as the Norwegian would like to brush it off, he couldn't help but think if they were right. Was he falling in love with Mathias? And was Mathias falling in love with him?

 _These are questions to be answered another time.  
_

* * *

Apparently that other time had to wait longer than Lukas thought, because Mathias continued to avoid Lukas for another two weeks. Then things went back to normal.

They saw each other around thrice a week, if not more, and enjoyed their time together. Lukas definitely enjoyed the Danes presence, and if the feelings weren't returned, then his friend was very good at pretending. Plus, why would said Dane spend so much time with him if he didn't even like his presence.

Next time they met, they found themselves at the local park early in the afternoon, having decided to walk to their next destination, being the ice rink. The ice rink had been Lukas idea.

The park was just a pretty standard park, nothing out of the ordinary. A place the writer really enjoyed nonetheless.

''So…Lukas, I'm really glad we got to meet.''

''me too… what kind of thing is that to say?''

''Well.. I don't know. I just wanted you to know that I'm really glad we met and stuff. It's also been really nice to see you… brighten. You know?''

''Brighten?''

''Yeah when we first met you seemed kind of… depressed to be honest.'' After saying this, Mathias scratched the back of his head a bit nervously.

These words made Lukas think. The Danish man had a point. Thinking back on how he felt now and how he felt at the beginning of the year, he could really make out a difference.

Had his new friend really affected his life that much? Had it been something else?

It might have been something else _too,_ but Mathias definitely had had a great impact on his life. Greater than he had ever thought anyone would. Or actually, thinking back, he might have tried something like this before with another person. Not quite the same scenario, but still.

Suddenly he realized that the Dane reminded him a lot of someone else. Someone whom had pushed him out in doing stuff he usually wouldn't too. Someone who had affected his life in the same way long ago.

 _You're probably sitting somewhere, laughing at me for being so oblivious right now._

Lukas couldn't help but smile at the thought of him being all humored of the way, Lukas hadn't even noticed how he and Mathias had some remarkable similarities. Other than being humored he was probably blessing the Dane too, for having gotten the writer to start doing stuff for real again. Perhaps he could make him write something useful again too.

''Why are you smiling like that?'', Mathias asked, in playful, yet curious tone.

''….nothing.''

Lukas smile didn't falter the least.

* * *

Well, the Norwegian definitely had great skills when it came to ice skating. The Dane… not so much.

This was the third time Lukas skated over to a tripped Mathias within ten minutes, and he couldn't help but smile a bit. They both did.

''here, let me help you.''

Lukas then proceeded to keep very close to the Dane for the next half an hour so the aforementioned Dane could grab his hand when about to fall.

They skated around on the big ice field, which was surrounded by dark, wooden stands. The great hall carried fresh cold air, that the Norwegian was sure he would never get tired of.

Then something a bit out of the ordinary happened compared to the former thirty minutes, which had been filled with calm ice skating, for the sake of lesser tripping. It was like Mathias' balance disappeared completely and somehow, he ended up right in top of Lukas and caught his eyes in the fall.

This was the second time they locked eyes like this.

Suddenly Lukas realized that the Dane's face were only a few centimeters from his. Should he go for it? Should he try to kiss him? It didn't matter, for he didn't even get the chance, since it was in that very moment Mathias made an awkward sound and with an equally awkward movement, made his way off of Lukas.

 _So he doesn't feel the same way huh? Or at least he doesn't want anything to happen. Now I know._

Lukas felt kind of, well… sad. Or perhaps just disappointed. Either way, he did his very best to hide it, and knowing himself, Mathias wouldn't have the slightest clue about the feelings inside of the blonde man before him.

A small minute passed by in silence. It wasn't awkward, but not comfortable either. It was a pause in which both of them could collect themselves, before the conversation to come. Little did Lukas know that the talk to come would imply things he never would have seen coming.

''Lukas… could you perhaps come over here…?'', Mathias said carefully.

Now they both sat with their backs to against the small wooden wall all around the field, and Lukas could feel some cold sneak through his thick, black pea coat. Another pause appeared.

''…Shit. Lukas I have to tell you something… please don't think I'm a bad person or hate me after hearing this…'' Mathias took a deep breath.

''Okay…'', _why would I find him a bad person? What could Mathias possibly have done to make me hate him…?_

''You see Lukas… My… my… boyfriend got a new job… in the U.S… Lukas… I'm moving… As in I'm not coming back anytime soon…''

Lukas took his time to process the information.

''Oh.''

 _Oh? Oh what? Oh, that sounds great? Oh, you have a boyfriend? Oh, I'm happy for you?_

 _Oh, how I would wish you could just stay here and be with me._

''Lukas… Are you okay?''

''Yeah, that sounds… that sounds great Mathias, congratulations to your… your boyfriend.'' Lukas knew very well that the words of happiness weren't convincing in any way.

His voice sounded emptier than anything else.

* * *

Aaaand there you have it~

I hope you enjoyed this and still find/ start to find (?) this interesting, and if you're still bored and find this shitty after three chapters, then I'm sorry: I tried okay? :

Reviews are very much appreciated and very motivating ;)

bye


	4. Chapter 4

Been a while :0 but I am back with a new chapter that you'll hopefully enjoy :3 First, thanks a lot for the nice reviews! It's super motivating :D As always, English is not my first language so have mercy, but do feel free to point out mistakes cuz I'd always like to improve : )

Have a nice read~

* * *

4\. After

Six month had passed. Six long months.

Even though Lukas really wished Mathias would come back, he didn't sulk too much. He was grateful for the time his former friend had spent with him. It had changed him for the better.

After the episode at the ice rink, the two had talked it through, or rather, the Dane admitted some things. He had indeed been avoiding Lukas for a small period of time, the reason being how he might have gained some feelings for the Norwegian, so his boyfriend and he had decided that it would be better for them, if Mathias put Lukas at a distance.

The reason for things having gone back to normal for a little while after that, was that he found out he was to move, so it wouldn't hurt anyone that he spend time with Lukas, since he was going to be gone soon anyways.

Gone.

To Lukas it sounded more like Mathias didn't have much of a say in his relationship, but he couldn't quite make himself blame the other guy. The Dane could easily be the kind of person who just has a hard time speaking up, if it could hurt others.

After Lukas became without the animator again, his daily life didn't just go back to boring, as many might suspect. No, it was more like it had settled somewhere in between good and bad. Bad had been the boring, kind of depressing time of his life. Good was Mathias.

* * *

''So Lukas, did mom and dad tell you about their plans about inviting us?''

Said Norwegian had his phone held up to his ear by his shoulder, since he was in the middle of driving to the film company, which was turning his book into a movie. He knew very well that you weren't supposed to speak to people through phone while driving, but he honestly couldn't find it in him to care right now.

''Yeah…''

A left turn.

''It was next Saturday right?''

Straight forward.

''Yeah, it was Saturday.''

A sudden place next to the road. Lukas found himself following the graveyard with his eyes, even as he passed it.

HONK!

Shit. He hadn't seen the car driving out in front of him. He stomped hard on the brakes.

With his heart racing like crazy, he found himself sitting in his stopped car. He had only just made it, and to his very great luck, nobody had been behind him when all this happened. _Seems it wasn't my turn yet._ He didn't quite think this with joy, but not sadness or anything either, just pretty monotonously really.

The shock was still over Lukas, as he started driving again, and he almost didn't notice the well-deserved middle finger.

As he parked in the parking spot, marked with thin, red tiles on the, otherwise, grey tiles, he said his goodbyes to his brother and put his phone back into the pocket, attached to his peanut brown coat.

After walking through the door, similar to the ones at malls, he was greeted by a small, black haired girl, he recognized from the last time he was here, months ago. She led him to a computer, which started showing what they had made so far. Lukas loved it. The starting scene showed the great, fictional city from bird view, to then focus on one of his main characters, which was a blonde girl with brown eyes. This also made him feel a bit melancholic, since he remembered how Mathias had been the one to picture this character, among many others.

Lukas told the employees how pleased he was with the outcome, conversed a bit with the black haired lady, but nothing more, before he was on his way home again. He looked at his car's clock; ten minutes past four in the afternoon.

When he came back home, he started doing a bit of this and a bit that. Okay, he didn't really do much, but that was only until around six thirty in the evening, when a sudden Finn called him.

''Uhmm Lukas? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago…?''

 _Shit! That's right. Dinner with Tino and Bernadette tonight!_

''Lukas…?''

''Eh yeah I… Did not forget that… heh. I'll be there in a minute.''

He heard a small sigh from the other end, before the call went dead.

* * *

They sat three at the small, white table, in the kitchen/dining room, as Peter was at a friend's house. The kitchen was rather big for an apartment, and Lukas noticed that they had gotten some new, light brown lockers.

He had to admit that Tino had prepared some extremely good salmon, and he felt a bit bad for forgetting about their dinner plans. He suddenly noticed a faint scent of cinnamon, and discovered a small cinnamon stick hanging in their kitchen window, next to Lukas, in a very Christmassy way. It had probably been hanging there since the festival, even though that had already been a couple months ago, but Lukas had the feeling that it wasn't there out of oblivion, but rather just Tinos very great Christmas spirit still being around. It wasn't like the small Finn was extremely religious or anything, he just loved the coziness about Christmas. When you thought about it, he could probably find a decent reason to celebrate anything from world peace to shoelaces.

''Why are you smiling like that?'', Bernadette had apparently noticed the slight smile on Lukas' face.

''…nothing…'', the slight smile did not falter.

''Okay… that was not weird at all.'' Tino had joined their conversation.

''So, you still talking to Mathias? Like, Facebook, Skype… anything?'', the Finn was such a good friend. Back when aforementioned Dane moved, he had basically acted like it was _his_ possible lover who suddenly vanished. He had been so sad on Lukas' behalf.

Bernadette had been there for him too of course, in her own way. She had more of a 'to-take-the-bull-by-the-horn' approach. _I really need to appreciate these two more…_

Mathias and Lukas did have contact, but they talked less and less. It did not help the matter that Lukas didn't use social medias much, and it seemed Mathias had a busy life. To sum up: yes, they talked, but it was like they both had accepted that they should probably just move on. Oh and Lukas could imagine that Mathias' boyfriend, had something to do with their poor contact too.

The 'Mathias subject' disappeared fast, and the three friends' conversation went in other directions. The Norwegian didn't go home after dinner, and had a very pleasant time with his friends that evening, in their big apartment.

* * *

It was nice to finally see his parents again. Emil and Lukas had met up in front of the little, light brown townhouse, in which their parents lived.

Lukas started out with greeting his mother in a hug. She was a small woman, around 160 cm, with curly hair, and definitely the person he had gotten his navy eye color from. His eyes were more almond shaped than his mother's though. Then it was his dads turn to get a hug. He was a rather well-build man in his sixties, and the roots of Lukas' very light blonde hair color.

Emil looked a lot like their mother when it came to features of the face. They both had a nose which tipped slightly upwards, round cheeks and hooded eyes. His eye color was different though, having an almost purple shade.

All four of them went to the nicely decorated living room, and placed themselves in the two light blue couches. Then all the catching up and talking began. At one point they started talking about how Leon and Emil had started thinking about adoption, what opportunities they had and so on. That talk really got Lukas thinking, about how he gradually started falling behind with all those ''life plans''. He was in his early thirties and didn't even have the slightest of relationships with anyone… he wasn't even trying. At all. And this did not only count when it came to relationships, but basically anything else too.

 _Where am I going with my life again? oh yeah, writing… Fuck Lukas, you haven't even published anything real for almost ten years. Perhaps I should just buy a bunch of cats and call it a day…_

Late in the afternoon, they decided to go buy a cake, and while Emil, Lukas and their mother went out to buy it, their father stayed at home and did some dishes and what not. ''What not'' probably meant watching skiing.

''Lukas honey…'', his mother looked over at him, from her place in the passenger seat next to the drivers, in which her son sat.

''What really happened to that Mathias guy? You seemed so font of each other…'', she said carefully.

''Well he moved and is not going to come back anytime soon, if not ever and we haven't really stayed in touch.'', Lukas said monotonously.

''But you did love each other right…?''

''I don't know mom… He has a boyfriend anyways.''

''But what if he just can't get himself to follow his heart. I mean, have you heard him say that he would rather want the other guy over you?''

''No. But it doesn't matter anymore.'' Lukas' voice started to indicate that she should step carefully, if not drop the subject.

''Lukas come on! You have to fight for things sometimes! Make him give you a clear answer!'' She did not step carefully nor did she drop the subject.

''JUST LEAVE IT!'' Lukas looked over at his mother while saying this and, for the second time in a week, he didn't notice a car driving out in front of him.

''GUYS'' Emil's voice. This time someone _did_ drive behind Lukas, and he _didn't_ stomp on the brakes hard enough.

 _Crash._

* * *

Yup, there you have it :o))))))) *innocent double chin intensifies*

I hope you like this so far or at least find it decent. I know this chapter was shorter than the others, but I wanted to end it here ; )

And as always, reviewing is very much appreciated: I'd love to hear what you think as long as you're not being plain rude :^)

bye


	5. Chapter 5

AN/ aaand I am back with yet another (and probably the most depressing) chapter :0)

Thank you for the nice reviews! I really love to hear your reactions and what you think about this story! :D

And now, lets see what happened to our poor characters~

Have a nice read~

* * *

5\. Fault

The sound of sirens started to ring in Lukas' ears. However he didn't really notice, since it felt like he was in some kind of bubble were all sound became a blur. Actually, it was like all of his senses became a blur.

 _Sometimes, you forget how easy it is to hurt someone;_

Next thing, a beeping sound was what he heard. It was the only thing he heard. Silence filled every other noise that could possibly be present. Then he slowly started to remember what happened.

 _how easy it is for someone to disappear._

''Hello Lukas. I'm your nurse, and my name is Markus. I'd like to-''

 _Then other times…_

''Where are they!? Where's my mom and Emil!?''

 _it's all you can think about._

* * *

Wake up. Brush teeth. Eat breakfast. Computer. Eat dinner. Wake up. Brush teeth. Eat breakfast. Computer. Eat dinner. Wake up. Brush teeth. Eat breakfast. Computer. Eat dinner. Wake up. Brush teeth. Eat breakfast. Computer. Eat dinner.

And so, it went on. The next few weeks of Lukas' life, he lived like he was at fault for killing his mother, and making his brother lose his left leg, ankle and down. Oh wait, he was. That was what he thought himself at least. He wasn't really sure if you could call what he did ''living'' either, but he was fine with that, since he felt like he could die anytime soon either way.

 _Knock knock knock knock knock._

''LUKAS OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!''… Tino.

Well, you could safely say that the Norwegian had blocked out the rest of the world. He didn't even talk to his brother, even though he really wanted to be there for him in a time like this. And it didn't help him to think about it either, since the fact that he had cut off his brother when he was in the middle of getting a prosthetic and all, made him feel even worse, but he just couldn't make himself see him. Seeing him would confirm that what had happened… had indeed happened.

Another thing Lukas had found himself doing a lot, was glancing over at a sudden red box, which used to be placed deep in his cabinet. He had moved it out from there, two weeks ago when he had gotten the tragic news, but couldn't find it in him to open it. It was a very standard box, really. Made of cardboard and around the same size of a stool.

''LUKAS I WILL BREAK DOWN THIS DOOR!''

In the end Tino got his will - something he was surprisingly good at - as Lukas (very) reluctantly opened his door.

* * *

Around two weeks passed, with Lukas leaving his house a few times. Yet only when he was forced to, and it seemed that nothing his friends did, could make him feel better. Or just act like he felt anything for that matter.

However, Tino knew that this wasn't just about his mother and Emil. It was about _him_ too. It might have been quite the lot of years, but the Finn knew very well that Lukas hadn't let go yet. The guy had been the first friend Lukas had made in the UK back when he came to the country as a 12 year old, whereas Tino had first entered the picture in the second year of high school, when he moved from Finland.

The Finn and Norwegian had placed themselves at the local park that day. The spring warmth - that was soon to turn into summer heat – embraced them as they sat on a nice, dark brown bench.

''Lukas… I really think you should see Emil… Or at least contact him…''

Silence.

''I'm pretty sure it would help you both…''

More silence.

''Please Lukas… It can't stand to watch you fall apart like this… Not again.''

Even more silence.

''Goddamnit Lukas, I know you blame yourself and all! We've already talked about this.'' (meaning Tino trying to converse with the silent air about how it shouldn't blame itsel and stuff) ''Please Lukas…''

No response.

''Lukas-''

''Do it. Snap at me. I know you want to.''

This time it was Tino's turn to be silent.

''I don't… I mean I-… Lukas. Sooner or later you'll need to pull yourself together.''

Both of them went silent for a while after that, and the shorter of the two thought that he could see his companion consider what he said, for a second or so. Then his face went blank again. Tino wasn't fooled though; he knew that Lukas really wanted to pull himself together, but he was very bad at it. One thing the Finn had learned from his time with the Norwegian, was that he was more of the I-take-what-I'm-served type, and not much of a fighter. To be honest, this was probably due to the fact that the things Lukas' usually got served, was stuff that comes on a silver plate, though it wasn't like he was from some super rich family or anything, but being the naturally smooth and intelligent – and lucky - guy he was, he was usually given some nice shortcuts.

It seemed he got thrown out of ''paradise'' when he was 25 though.

* * *

 _''Who is that handsome, young man standing in my doorway?'', his mother said teasingly, as he was standing in his new suit, that he bought for what would be his school's answer to prom. He smiled at her._

Memories like that were definitely not what he needed right now, but he couldn't help it. He was standing there in a suit, very similar to the prom-one, looking in the mirror. On the day his mother was to be buried. Her funeral. It still seemed unreal to Lukas, as he found his car keys, locked his door, and started driving.

He drove for a while, being more and more aware of the fact, that this would be the first time he saw Emil and his father after the accident. Would they blame him? Would they get mad?

Well, he never found out, for he never arrived.

At one point he knew that all that was left of the little car trip was a right turn, but in the end, he kept going straight forward, to only the sky knows where. He almost felt like he did it subconsciously when it happened, but he didn't turn around, and wasn't going to, anytime soon.

In the end he found himself at a beach. He must've driven for at least two hours.

The beach was a nice place. So calm and peaceful. Kind of. A lot of people had gotten the idea of going to the beach, as the weather was quite nice that day. Lukas just sat there in the middle of the crowd, looking at the sea, and he could feel a few people start to stare, after a while. He couldn't really blame them. A grown man sitting alone at a beach, doing nothing but staring at the water, while wearing a suit.

He spend the next hour or so in the same spot on the sand, just enjoying the salty scent, that slowly started to clear his mind a bit. ''clear his mind'', was to be taken figuratively, as it wasn't like he got closer to accepting the situation or anything. He just got some time thinking about nothing, letting himself forget the circumstances a bit. He rolled his sleeves up at one point, not really caring if they got wrinkled.

The people around him were all having a good time. He noticed someone making fun of their dad – he assumed they were kids and parent - for wearing speedos… that could easily have happened in his family too. A small group of ladies were all sunbathing in fancy bikinis, but they were all around the same color of a chili by then. Ah, how he knew the type.

Then. He drove back to his apartment.

* * *

His door was unlocked. Why was his door unlocked? Did someone break into his apartment?

He slowly pushed his door open and made his way in, using careful steps until he could see his couch, and stopped abruptly.

In his couch sat a very well-dressed little brother, who was indeed short of an ankle, with an expression that Lukas couldn't quite read.

Emil stood up and placed himself in front of his brother.

''You didn't come.'' The younger stated with a very airy voice, abandoned by any emotions.

''No.''

Silence. Then Emil continued with the same voice from before.

''Three weeks. Nothing. Not even a text. Not a single sound. But I thought okay… He'll come around eventually. At least I know I'll see him at the funeral. But no. Not even the slightest shadow of the eldest son.''

''Emil I-'' Lukas tried.

''Look.'' The little brother showed his prosthetic. ''It looks nice right. It is way easier to walk on than I thought.'' He started, sounding like he was having a completely normal conversation, with a colleague at work or something. '' I mean of course I have to do a lot of practicing and stuff, but it gets easier way faster than one would think-''

This time it was Lukas turn to cut the other short.

''Emil stop it. This is not okay. I'm sorry. I really am.''

''Lukas… we were all at fault. Mom too. Don't blame yourself please. There's no need to.'', this time the younger sounded serious.

''But I was behind the steering wheel that night… I-'' Lukas' voice was at its breaking point, and his hands started to tremble. Then Emil went over and hugged him.

''Lukas…'' Emil started, while still hugging his brother.'' Try to ready yourself for moving on. Find something that can clear your thoughts… And also… you….You need to find your balls. Now more than ever.''

Then he left.

The last comment might have sounded extremely harsh to and outsider, but the young male knew that his brother didn't need a bunch of gentle poufs to get through this. He needed a nice push.

The following day, the Norwegian really did try to find something that could help him deal with all of this, in a healthy way. Being a writer, he thought that an obvious way of coping would be to, well, write. At first it went okay , he took one thought at a time, wrote it down, and did it again, but within ten minutes, all the words became a big mess, and Lukas' couldn't handle it anymore. He felt like he was about to panic. He shut down his laptop in a hard manner, and placed his head in his hands. He started to grip his hair hard, and his breaths became irregular. He was starting to hyperventilate.

However, just as he thought he would faint, he got a tad bit of control again. He took deep breaths, and tried to clear his mind. In vain.

Then he found himself opening his laptop again. For a second he thought that he was about to write a suicide note, but instead he found himself doing a completely different thing. He booked a flight to the US.

* * *

5th chapter is done~

Yes, Matt is indeed returning in next chapter :3 We're gonna find out what he's been up to ;)

Hope you liked this, and - as always :3 - I'd love to hear your comments about this :D (If anyone would like me to start doing review replies, just say so - I'm v much up for it :)

bye


	6. Chapter 6

Hello again :) Sorry for the long wait '^^

* * *

6\. Losing it: complete. Start over?

The sun almost mocked him. It looked so freaking happy.

He wasn't sure what exactly he had expected by coming there, and perhaps somewhere in the back of his mind, it was this. A stab in the front. He'd stabbed himself, all on his own. He knew that Mathias had a boyfriend and he surely knew that Mathias had moved on. He knew it, and yet here he stood.

But perhaps this was the best thing he could do at this point. Something to show him that life goes on, no matter what you do, though he had to admit that in that moment, he felt like nothing was going anywhere. It felt like his whole body said: ''stop'', all at once.

He was indeed standing in the front yard of Mathias' very nice house. It was average sized and placed on one of those perfect residential streets, that you see in movies. He could see Mathias, his boyfriend and a little girl standing in the kitchen. The boyfriend pecked him on the cheek, and overall everything just looked so perfect. So fucking perfect.

And then… it didn't matter. His eyes stopped focusing, and the only thing he actually acknowledged, was the mild breeze that tickled him through his shirt.

He felt it. The warm sensation of tears, streaming down his face. His empty expression stayed the same. Why? Why did he have tears streaming down his face all of a sudden? It was something with…his mother dying.. right? Yeah…it was. His mother died. And he didn't attend her… funeral? Funeral… that was the thing right? The thing he didn't attend? And there- there was more… someone else… someone he'd known for a long time… right? His old… friend? He died too… yeah he did. It was… cancer? Cancer… a motorcycle? Wait there was a motorcycle too… ? Definitely a motorcycle. A crash…a cra…shhhhhhhhssjhhh.

''Crash?''

Wait.

''Did you just say ''crash'' Lukas?''

That voice. Mathias. When did he get out of the house?

''Eh… yes? I mean I… think so?''

His hair had gotten a bit longer since the last time they saw each other, and his amount of freckles had increased.

Mathias just gave him an ''oookay-I-think-you-might-be-a-little-crazy-but-we-can-handle-it'' –look, and gently led him into his house.

''Jan. This, eh… You remember that guy who wrote that story, which I worked on when we lived in the UK? You know… the guy?''

''…Yeah it was Lukas right?...'', Jan said. Saying that Jan looked welcoming would be nothing but a lie. He was standing around a head taller than Lukas (who was on the tall end of ''average''), and looked to be the kind of guy who always had a serious air around him.

''Exactly!''

''So what is he doing here?''

Jan completely ignored the fact that Lukas was standing right next to Mathias, as they spoke.

Lukas didn't really mind not having to talk though, since he still hadn't quite collected his thoughts.

''Jan can he stay for the evening… Please?'', Mathias suddenly got very serious, yet pleading.

''…fine.''

As Lukas went to take a seat on the couch, he absorbed all the details of Mathias house. The layout was a very cute one, their walls having a light yellow color, and all the furniture reminded him of something he could find in a summerhouse. The overall smell was a really nice one too, and the fact that they were in the middle of baking, when Lukas entered, made it even better.

As soon as he sat down, a small, brown haired girl approached him.

''Who are you?'', a very cute and innocent voice said.

''Hello there, my name is Lukas. What may your name be?''

''My name is Marie.'', said the little girl proudly. ''Oi! Lukas! You have to see what we're making! I chose the recipe myself!''

She grabbed Lukas dark blue sleeve, and excitedly led him to the kitchen. Mathias gave him a little apologetic smile, and followed them.

The kitchen had a very nice look, which perfectly fit the living room. It wasn't that big, but not too small either, and it didn't take Lukas long to get the feeling that Jan and Mathias must've had a pretty good income.

''Aren't they pretty?'', Lukas looked at what must've been cookies, inside a very fancy oven, and yes, he did admit they looked pretty delicious.

''Do you wanna see the recipe? Uncle Mat read it aloud to me!'', wait… uncle Mat? So this wasn't Mathias kid after all. Lukas couldn't really help feeling slightly happy at that discovery. He knew that it was a little unrealistic, that they would've already adopted a kid and such, but his imagination was pretty limitless for the time being.

''Hehe Marie… How about we show him another time? Lukas is probably very tired. He travelled a long way to get here you know…'', Mathias tried, but halted a bit at her disappointed expression. Lukas didn't have anything against being showed the recipe though; he rather felt the opposite, since the little girl was a fresh breath to his recent inner turmoil.

''It's okay. I'd love to see the recipe Marie.''

And just like that, Lukas became a part of the three's evening, as if he'd been there from the beginning. With the exception of Jan's rather unwelcoming behavior of course.

* * *

Three hours later, Lukas found himself sitting on the comfortable couch, with a little brown haired girl sleeping on him. They had dimmed the lights, and now the welcoming colors of their living room gave a nice, sort of cave-ish, vibe. Mathias and Jan were talking about something while watching some cozy movie, but Lukas didn't really pay attention to the conversation, nor the movie. He just enjoyed the moment. But, sooner or later, he knew that he needed to have a certain conversation with a certain someone. Apparently it was sooner.

Jan took the sleeping girl and carried her upstairs, to take her to bed. Meanwhile Mathias moved from his spot in the chair across from Lukas, and came to sit right next to him.

''What's up… Lukas you looked rather… distressed when I found you.'', a short pause filled the room, then:

''Plus something must've happened since you just decided to break up with your boat shoes and come here.'', the last thing was said in a rather humorous tone, though it was very clear that it was meant in a kind way. He was just trying to lighten the mood.

Back when they used to spend a lot of time together, Lukas had been wearing a pair of black boat shoes with white shoelaces and leather fabric, which made them look kind of formal. He now remembered what he had used for footwear on this trip, and immediately understood Mathias' joke. You see, in his rush to get out of the door, he just slipped on the fastest pair of shoes he could find, which resulted in his very beautiful pair of bathing slippers. A slightly red color tinted his cheeks, as he just answered Mathias with a: ''yeah…''

''Seriously though… what's up?''

''Well. Long story short: my mother died and my brother lost his left ankle, both in a car accident where I sat behind the steering wheel. That reminded me of this other accident I was in where I didn't die either, but someone else did again, and I feel like both accidents were my fault… I don't get why I just couldn't have died instead of them… The first accident has been killing me ever since and now with this on top I honestly just feel like killing myself. But I don't think that would be fair to the people who died in those accidents, nor to my family. ''

In that moment Mathias didn't say a thing, even though he was known to be quite a talkative guy. Lukas then experienced an extremely heartwarming and comforting hug, that definitely could compete with his mother's.

And then, he full out started crying, while burying his face in Mathias' shoulder. The tears just kept coming. He didn't bother to try and hold them back.

He was happy that he was a silent weeper though, since he didn't want Marie to hear him cry his heart out. He was finally crying his heart out. Something he should've let himself do, long ago. He needed that. The sorrow of all those years finally poured out of him, and every second got him closer to being able to move on. As ironic as it sounds, crying felt nice. Really nice.

After a while, the sobbing died down and he started breathing normally again.

''Lukas… I know you've probably heard this before but… accidents are, well, accidents. You can't really decide when they occur or who causes them. It wasn't your fault. Sometimes we just can't control the outcome of sudden things. Please don't blame yourself. Lukas you're an amazing person and you definitely don't deserve to have experienced such hard things. You know… when I was a kid, I once killed three chickens, because I accidentally threw a ball at their nest. I was really sad, but it helped me realize that sometimes accidents happen, and I think that the first step to moving on… is to accept them. You can't change them so you just got to accept them. Life's just a bitch sometimes y'know?''

A good three minutes went by where Lukas just rested his head on Mathias shoulder, and the latter gently stroked the others hair.

''… Thank you Mathias.''

After Lukas had settled and collected his thoughts again, they started catching up and just conversed as if they had never been away from each other in the first place. They both felt the feeling of love slowly come back, but none of them dared speak of it. Mathias had a boyfriend that he obviously cared a lot about; Lukas wouldn't try to mess with that… though he couldn't see the harm in asking about their relationship…

''So how are you and Jan doing? Easy peacy loving life?''

''…Haven't heard that one before.''

''Neither have I.'', they both laughed a bit at Lukas little ''saying''.

''But we're good. Yeah we're good. You see… actually… ehm…''

''What?''

''We're engaged.''

Mathias knew that that must've been a bit hard to hear, and he couldn't help but wonder if he would've said those words to Jan, had it been Lukas he'd encountered first.

Lukas was a little speechless and didn't really know how to react. So, naturally he said that little one syllable word that he had used so many times before.

''Oh.''

 _Oh, I'm happy for you? Oh, that's great to hear?_

 _Oh how I wish I was the other guy._

''Lukas you don't… You don't have to say anything… I mean-''

''No Mathias you don't- ehm. That's great to hear. I'm happy for you.''

Well that wasn't awkward at all.

* * *

''Okay, well. Take care, it was super awesome to see you again.'', Mathias said, smiling warmly as he and Lukas was about to part one more time.

''Yeah… you too. It was indeed ''super awesome'' to see you again.'', he answered with a humorous smile playing on his lips.

''Oi, and eh Lukas… Sure you'll… be okay?''

He looked straight forward for a few seconds, with a calm expression present on his face. Then he nodded.

''I think I know what I have to do now.''

* * *

That was it for now :) hope you liked it :)


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